


Oops Baby I Love You

by shirewalker



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, F/M, Friends to Lovers, another housemates au :3, in which close encounters in tiny spaces give us lots of slow burn!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-25 10:51:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10762758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shirewalker/pseuds/shirewalker
Summary: At Genya's wedding, Nikolai admits to Alina his desire to kiss her but... doesn't kiss her.Weeks later, Alina is still mad at thim. But they live in the same apartment and being mad at Nikolai for long is almost impossible.Cue in a close encounter in a closet and maybe the two will have to deal with unresolved tension...





	Oops Baby I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to experiment with this one, mainly with the slow burn :3

 

 

 

She could feel his hot minty breath on her lips, tickling her skin and teasing her heart when Nikolai whispered those words, “I want to kiss you.” She felt her head spinning.

It was Genya’s and David’s wedding and music filled the air as the night set around them. The happy couple danced amidst friends and laughter and wishes of happiness. Genya’s contagious smile spread through the guests like wildfire every time anyone so much as glanced at her. David, who still couldn’t believe his luck, held her close, his eyes overflowing with wonder and love. They might be married, but surprise still shook his body when Genya pulled him in for yet another kiss. The crowd cheered and clinked their glasses loudly, begging for even more kisses.

Alina barely registered the string of events, her entire being still shaken to the core by Nikolai’s words. She’d lost her footing and reality slipped through her fingers like liquid butter.

Her eyes fluttered in sync with her stomach, her heartbeat setting the rhythm for their dance, “Oh?” she let out in a breath, finally having found her voice.

His mouth curved up in a half-smile as he drew closer, “Yes,” he stopped, hesitating, “but not until you’re thinking of me instead of trying to forget him.”

It was like being thrown into the icy arctic waters. Like being stabbed by your best friend. Like touching a flame without any knowledge of what fire can do. Alina got up in a flash, her eyes burning, “You’re an ass, Nikolai!” How could he? How could he talk about kissing her like her lips were water and he a thirsty man, only to go back on his words by bringing back memories of people that’d left ugly scars on her heart? She wanted to scream, she wanted to kick him. She wanted to leave.

“Alina…”

She turned away from him, the sight too much to look at, “Take me home, Nikolai.” She said through gritted teeth, a bitter taste in her tongue. Home. If it were any other situation, any other person… It would end all conversation on the matter and she wouldn’t have to look at him as soon as the door was shut. But… this was Alina and Nikolai. And they shared a house. A place that had grown to be her _home_. Her heart shrivelled at that, the pain cutting her like a well-honed knife.

A moment of silence, the music and laughter carried by the wind. Then, Nikolai whispered, “All right.”

 

* * *

 

Alina hadn’t always lived with Nikolai. She had first shared a tiny apartment with Genya and Zoya, somewhere in the less expensive part of the city. The three friends had met in university and had been inseparable since then. That is, until Genya finally made a move on David, the boy she had been in love since they had met in high school. Alina had thought him to be unaware of her friend, but in the end, the young genius simply happened to have a serious case of shyness when around the beautiful Genya.

It didn’t take long before the red head was moving in with him. Neither Alina nor Zoya had an inkling of who had made the proposal, they only knew both David and Genya looked the happiest they had ever been.

The rent became a bit harder on the two of them, so they found a new housemate. He was a tall, all lean muscle, ginger welder that seemed to take classes at random, whenever and wherever he felt like it. Harshaw was his name. He had a cat and a passion for fire. He built fireplaces, welded strange sculptures straight out of Russian folk tales and made fireworks in his spare time. The young man took an instant liking to Zoya. Alina suspected it had something to do with her friends’ _fiery_ personality.

In spite of the blue eyed girl claiming she had zero patience for Harshaw, the truth was that Alina found them growing closer to each other by the day. Things grew to the point where she had to find another place to live in. Walking in on them three times was three times too many. Being third wheel wasn’t her speciality, she’d leave that to Oncat.

Seeing her friends so happy with their own romantic relationships did make her happy for them, but it also stung a bit too hard, like going for a spoon in the drawer only to pierce the fingers with a sharp fork. And then, there was the matter of Alina still trying to get over Mal’s ill-timed confession, the passionate fling she’d had with Aleksander Morozova and Mal’s toxic attitude when he found out.

For years Alina had pined for her oldest friend, never thinking herself worthy of anyone’s love and always hoping Mal’s love could change that. She’d foolishly hoped that he would one day wake up and realise that she, Alina Starkov, a simple artist that looked just barely attractive, was the one he wanted to be with. It never happened, not until she met the mysterious Aleksander. The silver eyed man shook her world off its hinges. His kisses, his words, his love. She lost her footing and it was wonderful. Until Mal thought she was finally worthy of him and she’d already seen how better she was without his presence in her life. Until Aleksander had to leave for a job which he couldn’t talk about, that could last for a long, long time.

Kicking Mal away from her life was far easier than letting go of Aleksander, a man who, in spite of being a walking mystery, had brought new light and new life into her weary bones. But, in the end she had to do it. She had to, for her sake.

And then came Nikolai, a friend of David. Another genius, although this one was less socially awkward. Far, Far less. Like the polar opposite of David. Alina didn’t know how to feel about him. The hazel eyed man threw her off the rails. He was crazy, he was incredibly smart, he was an idiot, he was an unbelievable sight for sore eyes, he was infuriating. He was… a friend she had never thought she’d find.

And he had a place with plenty of space for her.

 

* * *

 

A little bit over a month had passed since Nikolai’s confession. And Alina was still seething. Sure, the fire had dwindled to embers, what with his constant presence in her life and his silly attempts to get her to smile, but she still felt the sting of his words. And it was a situation she would pay to get rid of. Because… Because she _wanted_ him to kiss her. She desperately, hopelessly and crazily wanted him to kiss her. Maybe she still had lingering feelings for her past flames, yes, but…

The pencil slipped, drawing a harsh, cold line across her sketch. Cursing under her breath, Alina searched for an eraser, only to curse harder once she found the piece had turned into a tiny marble of white rubber. It was of no help. Just as living with Nikolai did nothing to help her aching heart.

She glanced back to her sketchbook, the page littered with sketches for new patterns. Patterns commissioned for Zoya’s new fashion line, which had only one demand: to be perfect, unique, magical. That straight, charcoal line was a glaring blot in what would have otherwise been a perfect first batch of sketches. It was like an open wound. Soon ink and paint would start bleeding all over the place.

With a groan capable of cracking her pencil in two, Alina got up and went straight to Nikolai’s little storage room. On her way there, sounds of him tinkering and humming to himself in his office reached her. She briefly wondered what could be keeping him silent for so long, but the thought was quickly shut down as she entered the small room.

Calling it a room was a very, very long stretch. It was more of the size of a tiny bathroom. A tiny public bathroom. A tiny, portable public bathroom. One person could hardly move around the space. But it was useful, even if not an original room in the house plant. Nikolai had found the spacious house to be lacking in a storage space, every other room too big for simple storage. So, in his bored hours, he built a few walls and put up a door and set up shelves of all kinds and soon a little storage room was settled between the bathroom and his study.

Alina’s eyes searched the shelves for her drawing materials. The room had everything. Paints and brushes, sketchbooks and canvases, screws and tweezers, cogs and lonely scraps of metal, wires and strings. And there, two heads above her, was her box of… erasers. All right, it was a bit strange to have a shoe box full to the brim of erasers, but she _always_ needed them. And the fact that she had gotten them at a sale of seventy five percent off might explain her large supply. Such large supply had no place in the lower, easier to use every day shelves, and so it was left in the less used ones, high above the ground.

She made a face at the box and stood on her tippy toes as she tried to reach it, even if she knew she couldn’t. It was too high and she was too tiny. Still, she wasn’t known for giving up without trying, and try she did.

“Let me help you with that,” Nikolai said as his arm moved into her view and grabbed the box with such an ease that she felt as if the universe was mocking her. He handed her the box, “There you go, sunshine.” Alina muttered a thanks and quickly fished for a couple of erasers, suddenly very eager to leave the small compartment that, against laws of reality, seemed to shrink around them. Being this close to Nikolai did no good to her, no good at all. Neither did his nickname for her. _Sunshine_. Saints, her whole body exploded into a million butterflies every single time he said that word. It was like magic. Alina could be on the verge of murdering him and all Nikolai had to do was call her ‘sunshine’ and just like that, she’d forget all murder plans. Just like that she would be ready to do anything he asked for.

“Got it, thanks.” The words came out in a muttered mumble before she gave him back the box, and it could have been made of burning lava with how fast she wanted to get rid of it. Nikolai’s eyes sparked, an unreadable fire burning in them, and he put the box back in its place. Back amongst the other boxes and the layers of dust and the trinkets and the old magazines.

Then, he shifted and suddenly there was no space between them, no space at all. It was her body pressed against his as the two of them tried to move at the same time. Liquid fire ran through her bloodstream, every single cell in her body waking up and reacting to this new position. Did Nikolai say anything? She couldn’t know, she’d lost all grasp and sense of reality, eyes round in shock, focused on the unbuttoned collar of his shirt. Saints, that collarbone was more deadly to her poor little self than anything else in the world. No hemlock, no monkshood, not even ricin and its intense and deadly effects could do more damage to her. Yet, it was as magnetic as it was deadly. Alina bit her lip, in a herculean effort to stop herself from leaning forward just to kiss that patch of skin. That delicious and incredibly tempting patch of skin.

A startled gasp escaped her lips when Nikolai slowly circled her waist with one hand and pulled her even closer to him. She could feel his own body heat, filling the room, invading her senses. And her body was burning, burning, burning. Death was coming and she would die before finding out what Nikolai tasted like.

“Alina…” her name, in his voice, in his very, very hoarse voice. Just that, just her name. Said over and over again as Nikolai bent his head and his lips found the sweet spot between her jaw and her neck. That little space that seemed so meaningless before. Soft, featherlike kisses showered that spot, each one pin-pointed by her name.

Nikolai’s hold on her waist tightened. He opened a trail down her neck, kissing and grazing his teeth on her flushed skin, his other hand moving up her back, over the back of her neck and finally, finally tangling itself in her hair. Her eyes rolled in their sockets as the high of pure, raw passion took over her senses. There was nothing else but her and Nikolai. Nothing but her body and his, nothing but her skin and his lips, his deliciously dangerous lips. The world could end around them and she wouldn’t even bat an eye.

Her hands found his hair, golden locks soft as the purest silk, and a groan formed in the back of his throat. Oh saints, she had never heard him make such sound. Her fingers had a mind of their own as they tugged on a few locks of hair, the movement just enough to make him groan again. She felt very, very imprisoned by her own clothes.

A moan climbed up her throat, forming his name on her parted lips when Nikolai’s lips found the hollow between her collarbones. Saints help her, could one die in such circumstances? Could a person meet their untimely end just by being thoroughly kissed? Alina seriously pondered such a possibility, since she was… very much dying with every kiss and moan and groan and press of their bodies.

Oh, when was Nikolai finally kissing her lips? When could she taste him? To feel the pressure of his lips on hers, to tease him with the tip of her tongue, to drink all of him, to get drunk with the taste of his kisses. She wanted to rush him, so very badly, but her heart battled itself. It seemed to also enjoy this slow burn very much so. It was pure, sweet torture. A torture that was perhaps meeting its end, as Alina felt his lips start to move up, up, up, their speed growing with every heartbeat. Her body tingled with anticipation, her senses and her imagination ready for the moment when their lips would touch.

The doorbell rang, the cold, electric buzz ringing through the entire house and separating them as if an actual lightning bolt had crashed between their bodies.

Nikolai blinked several times as the doorbell rang again and again. He was a mess. Golden hair pointed everywhere, hazel eyes glazed with lust, lips flushed and swollen from all those damning kisses. Alina thought she didn’t look very different from him. Apart from the kissed lips, and she felt cheated.

The buzzes grew impatient, their sound finally waking Nikolai from his stupor, “Coming!” he shouted to their interruption, eyes still holding hers. His gaze flickered to her mouth for half a heartbeat and something in his whole demeanour told her all he wanted to do was to ignore the visitor and continue what they had been doing for the past… seconds? Minutes? Hours?

With a stiff nod, more to himself than to her, Nikolai left her in the tiny space to go see just who happened to have the worst timing in the world.

 

* * *

 

“Coming!” Nikolai’s voice echoed back to her. The door opened, her heart still racing. “Mother?” She took a startled breath. Of all the people to interrupt their little… affair, it had to be Nikolai’s mother. The woman had never been the biggest of Alina’s fans, for some reason, once she’d moved in with Nikolai.

“Don’t look so shocked, Nikolai.” She said, calm and collected as ever.

“Sorry mum, I wasn’t… expecting you.” He certainly hadn’t, considering how Alina’s heart still drummed against her ribcage like a prisoner dying to escape.

“Clearly…” she heard faint contempt in the woman’s voice, quickly followed by a gasp, “What on earth happened to you? You’re a mess!” Alina’s body temperature, which had gone back to a humanly number, heated up once more, images of Nikolai’s dishevelled look flashing in her eyes. She pressed her eyes shut, trying to keep the feel of his lips at bay, and failing miserably when a smile broke free.

There was a pause, a moment of awkward and tangible silence, before Nikolai answered his mother, “Oh, I… Nothing. I was just working on one of my projects and got… carried away!” His answer was quick, perhaps too quick, but it sounded honest. It felt… honest.

Alina’s heart sank, all memories of his touches and his kisses shattering into dust. Nothing. Was that what their encounter had been after all?

Another moment, during which Nikolai’s mother probably assessed her son for signs of lies, before she continued, “I see. Either way, I had to come without warning because you didn’t answer my email, and I had no time to waste by checking with you before coming.”

“Email?”

“Yes. My email, reminding you about Samantha’s party.” She paused, “You didn’t forget about it, did you?”

“What? No! Of course not!” Nikolai hesitated, “Wait, is it tonight?”

Alina had a very clear mental picture of Nikolai’s mother slowly closing her eyes while sighing in the most disappointed way she could, “You forgot. How could you? It’s Samantha!”

“I’m sorry, I was busy and got the days mixed up. But don’t worry, mum, I’ll be there!”

“You most certainly will. What about a date?”

“Date?”

“Do you need help getting one?”

“What? No, mum. I have a date.” Suddenly Alina was finding it harder to breath in the small confinement of the storage room.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Very well. I hope you’re not lying. And I hope you get there on time. You know how Samantha loves your company.”

“Of course.”

 

* * *

 

“Alina!” Nikolai nearly ran into her just as Alina was rushing out of the room. Different emotions crossed his face, first hope, then confusion, then fear, “Where are you going? I thought we were…”

“Yeah, well… That was nothing. So, let me pass.” She bit out, unable to stop her bitterness and venom from pouring into each and every word.

Hurt flashed in his eyes, those beautiful hazel eyes she never got tired of, but before he could speak again, Alina was moving past him.

“Wait. Alina!” he made to get a hold on her, but stopped half-way, “Listen.” His hand dropped back to his side, “I had to say that! It was my mother. I couldn’t…” he sighed, “I couldn’t really tell her she had just interrupted a quite fantastic make out session between me and you. Especially when she doesn’t like you that much.”

Alina kept her back to him, not really in the mood to back down, even if he made some sense. So, stubborn as ever, she walked straight to her room. It wasn’t until she’d locked the door that she remembered her current work and supplies had been left on the other side of the door. Where Nikolai waited for her. Well, no matter, she would just read a bit. Or try to.

“Alina…” his voice, gentle and caring, called her. He was right on the other side of the door, “I’m sorry…” she heard his heavy breathing, his mind whirring as he struggled for words. Then, after a long minute of silence, he spoke again, “Just… don’t forget about tonight, all right?”

Right. The dinner. The dinner that she had agreed to go to with him, weeks ago, before they had gotten all tangled up in the storage room. Before she had been ready to take her heart out and give it to him if it meant they could stay in that position forever. Before he’d said ‘nothing’ had happened to him. All she wanted was to stay in her room and avoid her best friend slash Jupiter-sized crush. She didn’t want to go to a fancy party and pretend nothing had happened. But… she’d promised. And she _hated_ breaking promises.

“Yeah, don’t worry.” She finally said. Nikolai, happy to at least get that answer from her, muttered an okay and walked away.

 

* * *

 

She sat by a small table, an empty glass of water by her side, her foot anxiously tapping away as her eyes jumped from one extremely rich guest to another extremely rich guest. Their eyes fell on her, only to quickly look away, their gaze neutral and almost empty, no prejudice, no distaste, no silent questioning over her presence in such an exquisite party. Of course, it helped that she was wearing a dress designed by Zoya herself, a mermaid cut with a v-neck all in a rich shade of turquoise hugging her figure in all the right places. Genya’s tips on jewellery, hair and makeup finished the look, making Alina look like a million dollar, making her look like one of _them_. Just another single heir going to yet another high society party. No one would ever think of her as being just a “commoner”.

Yet, it didn’t change the fact that she had barely traded ten words with all guests put together. Her best interaction had been the polite hello to the host, a lady in her mid-eighties drowning in silk and rose-gold and bright shades of makeup that looked almost too much on her. Except the woman somehow managed to look exquisite, if a bit eccentric, in her look. Samantha nodded in reply, hugged Nikolai and wished them a great time. Then she’d sashayed away, laughing and waving her hands, a glass of champagne in one of them.

Nikolai’s mother, however, wasn’t as excited to see her. She did know Alina, after all. But, at least she didn’t out the girl as a fake, or whatever it was she thought of her.

A waiter, dressed in white from head to toes, approached her. An elegant cup of the finest china was in his hands, “Here is your cappuccino, miss.” She took it and uttered a thanks, doing her best to not look eager to dive into the drink and disappear from the face of the earth. It would be a nice death, delicious actually, she thought, as she tasted the made to perfection cappuccino and felt the caffeine seep into her bloodstream.

“So, is your plan to avoid me all night?” the voice of her dreams and nightmares broke through her silly reverie as Nikolai sat in the seat across from her. He looked devastatingly handsome, wearing a perfectly tailored black suit that hugged his body far too well. An emerald tie finished the look, its vibrant shade bringing out the green hues of his eyes. A corner of his far too lush lips tugged up as Alina grew too obviously focused on her drink, “Come on, Alina, you can’t avoid me all night. Samantha will soon start to think about pairing us up with her single guests if she thinks we’re here as solo acts.” It was said in a teasing tone, but somehow, Alina suspected him to be speaking the truth. After seeing the way the woman pranced through her party, she found it highly possible for Samantha to dabble in matchmaking in her spare time.

“Oh?” she said, trying to sound just mildly worried and half-distracted.

He nodded, “Yeah, she tends to do that. How about we… dance?” She snapped her eyes up, gaze locked on his as panic took over her, its claws already digging into her heart. She couldn’t dance with him! She simply couldn’t! Not after… Not when… They simply couldn’t. Nikolai threw his hands up, “Just to put her worries to rest!”

A full second ticked by before Alina took a long sip of her drink, hoping the caffeine and the whipped cream would soothe her nerves. When it didn’t work, she gave up on relaxing and finally replied, “All right, if we have to… Let me just finish this.”

Five minutes later and a throat that got too close to getting burned, Alina found herself once more in the arms of her best friend. Her heart hammered against her ribcage, as if it wanted to break through and fly away, and all Nikolai was doing to cause such effect was holding her close. One hand on the small of her back, another grasping her hand. It seemed miniscule and too pale when held against his tanned and bigger hand. Its rough texture, a mixture of callouses and scars from working on his inventions and his boats, felt more comforting than she’d ever expected. A waltz played in the background and guests littered the dance floor. Alina could feel eyes on them as they danced, their bodies as close as the waltz’s etiquette rules allowed them to. But just as she thought she could handle it, whatever _it_ was, the song changed, mutating into a slower tempo. The couples followed the change. Bodies drew closer, heads rested on shoulders, hands changed positions. Nikolai took a breath, pulled her in and moved his hand just a bit lower down her back. Alina stifled a gasp when she felt his touch, only to let it out when she saw just how close they stood now. They were a breath away from a kiss. Just… a breath away. All she’d have to do was tilt her head up and wait for Nikolai to meet her halfway. It would be that easy.

His heart beat fast against her, almost in sync with her own. His breath was warm and tickled her already burning face. The air between them was charged with electricity. And Alina and her poor little heart couldn’t wait for the dance to be over. She could feel time ticking away, her will to resist the temptation that was Nikolai running thin.

She couldn’t handle this for much longer.

 

* * *

 

By the time Alina and Nikolai returned home it was already long past midnight.

Neither traded any words except for quick, quiet goodnights before each went into their own rooms. Alina let out a long sigh as she closed the door, letting her head rest against the dark wood. She pressed her eyes shut, trying to forget everything that had happened that day. It felt like a year had gone by, yet that encounter in the storage room had happened merely hours before and not three hundred and sixty five days ago. The party hadn’t helped at all, their shared dance only increasing the tension between her and Nikolai even more. It had been nearly impossible to not kiss Nikolai right then and there. She had to use all of her willpower to stop such event from happening. In that moment, it looked like an excellent plane. Now… she kind of wished she hadn’t been so adamant on keeping her lips to herself.

“Get a grip, Alina.” She muttered, chastising herself for such stupid daydreams. Several heartbeats would pass before she’d finally leave the comfort of her door, and change out of her party outfit and into her pyjamas. Her feet cried in relief when she got out of her high heeled shoes and her hair breathed anew once the pins were gone and long locks of dark brown hair cascaded over her back. The makeup was quickly taken care of. Then the impossible and dreaded task arrived.

Grunting, Alina tried again and again to reach for the invisible zipper and get out of the dress. Sure, it was an exquisite piece and she loved it, but she had hoped to sleep in something more comfortable and far less fancy. After five minutes of vain efforts, Alina gave up. Her whole body ached from the failed attempts to reach the zipper, arms twisted in uncomfortable positions for longer than desired. She heaved a defeated sigh. There was no other option. She had to do it.

“Nikolai?” she knocked on his door, suddenly becoming all too aware of all the butterflies coming to life in the pit of her stomach.

“Yes?”

“Hum… Are you decent?” she winced. What kind of question was that?

His chuckle was answer enough, “That depends on what you consider decent.” He opened his door, “If you think decent is stark naked, then no.” He finished, gesturing to his fully covered self. Though his jacket and tie were gone, tossed onto his unmade bed, Nikolai still had his pants and his shirt, albeit untucked and with its top buttons undone.

Feeling her body heating up at the sight on his uncovered collarbone, Alina quickly turned around, “Please help me out with the zipper.”

There was a pause, the silence interrupted only by the loud beating of her heart. Then, “Of course, sunshine.” She felt his hands on her back as he looked for the puller, “Not to be too curious, but… How did you get it zipped up in the first place?”

“Oh,” she took a deep breath, willing her heart to slow down and her body to relax. He was just touching her dress, it wasn’t even skin on skin. Still, it felt just as mind shattering as if he was actually touching her skin. She licked her lips, “I huh… I had a string attached to it, but it came off after I was done.”

Nikolai found the puller, “I see. Clever idea, if I may say so.”

Her lips parted in a silent gasp as Nikolai’s knuckles brushed her skin when he started to pull the zipper down. Her heart had stopped beating and her lungs had stopped working as her body focused all of its attention on Nikolai’s hands and their feather-light touches as he unzipped her dress. It was… painstakingly slow, as if time itself had slowed down just so Alina could savour the moment for a little longer. Just so she could learn and memorize every single reaction her body had to even the lightest touch of his fingertips. It was deliriously intoxicating. Her eyes fluttered closed. Her body leaned ever so slightly into his touch and Nikolai, as if she’d just asking him to, pressed his hand on her back.

He moved downwards, one hand unzipping the dress, the other holding her, slowly feeling the shape of her body. She could feel the way he trembled, the way his hand fought to touch her more but didn’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t.

“There…” his voice was thick, as if he was doing something that required much more effort than simply undoing a zipper.

Alina pressed her lips into a thin line, shoving away all the daydreams that came to life with just his touch, “Thanks. Hum… goodnight!” she quickly said before darting back to her room. Nikolai whispered a goodnight in turn, the word almost lost in her hurry.

 

* * *

 

The ceiling was quite lovely, with its white paint and the hand painted stars in glow-in-the-dark paint and the small, but elegant chandelier that hanged in the dark right now. Her eyes were so used to the darkness of her room by now that she could actually see its shape. The stars looked like they were on fire, with how bright they shone. Alina dared a look at her clock. Three in the morning.

She had been lying on her bed, wide awake, for almost three hours now. All because of Nikolai unzipping her dress. Her heart had gone completely haywire. She pressed a hand over it, hoping the damned beating drums would calm down. Breathing was an impossible task, and she wondered just how long a human could go without it. Her lungs ached for air. Her heart ached for calm. And she… she ached for… Closing her eyes, she shut that door, locked it and threw away the key. No one. Alina Starkov did _not_ ache for anyone.

“Stupid!” she groaned and snapped her eyes open as Nikolai’s beautiful, perfect, smiling face invaded all of her senses. She ached for him, so much it was physically painful. And that make out session earlier hadn’t helped… at all. If anything, it had made living under the same roof as him much harder now.

She got up.

She paced her room.

She made a stupid decision she would probably regret later.

She opened her door.

And her heart got into a rocket and flew into outer space.

Nikolai stood in front of her, one curled fist halfway to a knock.

A sheepish smile curved his lips, those beautiful, lush and dangerous lips of his. The raised hand moved to the back of his neck, a nervous gesture she had only seen once or twice since meeting him, “Can’t sleep?” he asked. Alina found herself partially distracted by that hand and the way his fingers brushed his hair.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Eyes back on his. Breathe in, “Not really,” breathe out, “You?” Breathe in.

“Likewise,” Breathe out. His gaze held hers for a moment before he looked down. Breathe in. After a moment, Nikolai spoke again, his voice low and raw, “Can’t stop thinking.”

Breathe out, “About… what?” Breathe in.

A heartbeat.

Breathe out.

His eyes captured hers again, “You.” Breathe… out?

In?

“Me?” the word was barely a breath, thick with emotion and uncertainty.

“Yes.” He answered in a similar way. Breathe. Breathe Alina, she told herself. But her lungs refused to work, her mouth refused to draw in air and her heart refused to stop beating so loud, so fast, so hard. “Can’t stop wishing my mother hadn’t been so zealous on my attending tonight’s party and what might have happened if she hadn’t showed up.” He took a step closer, “Can’t stop thinking about the way you look in the morning just before you’re fully awake. Or the way you look so beautiful when you’re dangerously mad.” Saints, she was going to faint, “Can’t stop thinking about how it felt to hold you so close. About the way it felt like heaven to touch you. Can’t stop thinking about the taste of your skin, the music of your heart beating under my lips.” He was just a breath away from her now, his eyes like shattered emeralds scattered on the most sinfully delicious honey. “I just…” he brushed a thumb across her lower lip and she died, right there and then, “I can’t stop thinking about you, Alina. You’re in my every thought.” His hands were cupping her face now, the touch tender, careful. He watched her, no doubt trying to solve the puzzle that were her thoughts, looking for a clue of what she might be thinking.

Her lips parted, but no sound, no words came out. It was as if all of a sudden she had forgotten the art of forming words and sentences. What could she say? How could one answer to those words? All she wanted was to melt and drown into them, into him. No time for answers, no time for talk. Talking was overrated when the heart seemed to work with a different method of expressing itself. Still, his name dripped out of her lips, a soft whisper, “Nikolai…”

A ghost of a smirk played on his lips for the briefest of seconds, “Alina…” her name felt like a prayer, “Oh Alina… I’m so helplessly in love with you.” Poof, gone. Her heart exploded. But Nikolai wasn’t done, not yet. “You drive me mad,” he added, now openly smiling, “In the best of ways.”

Saints.

Help.

Her.

He kissed her. His lips were on hers. Their pressure just the right amount. It was as if he wanted to melt into her at any given moment, but was also giving her the choice of whether she would drink him or not and, should she wish so, when. She kissed him back, a soft whimper forming in the back of her throat only to be savoured in earnest by Nikolai’s greedy lips.

His fingers threaded on her loose hair, thumb caressing her cheek as Nikolai kept on kissing her senseless. Alina wasn’t sure of anything anymore, just of this kiss and her heart beating so fast and Nikolai being there, kissing her like that, being so very responsible for all the things happening to her right now. For the heart that beat so fast and so hard it felt like it could explode any minute. For the way her blood was boiling so much it was a wonder it wasn’t steam already. For the way her brain seemed to shut down to all rational thinking so quickly, only to focus solely on Nikolai. For the way a whole field of flowers seemed to bloom in the pit of her stomach. For the way her skin felt like it could catch fire if he kissed her any longer.

And then, just as she was starting to list all the reasons why dying like this would be perfect, Nikolai broke the kiss. She gasped for the air she had forgotten she needed. And quickly forgot about it once more when Nikolai traced a perfect line of burning kisses along her jaw and the column of her neck and her throat and that sweet spot where her shoulder meets her neck and, oh saints, the dip of her collarbone. She was drunk, Alina was drunk in the way he kissed her, in the way her skin reacted so well to his lips.

Nikolai breathed her name between kisses, dividing his attention between her skin and the hem of her shirt. He tugged on it, as if he was offended the fabric hadn’t vanished already and Alina felt her body vibrate with the purest of laughter. Of all the things Nikolai could be offended with, it was the nature of t-shirts and how they were worn. Her ears burned as she quickly took it off and Alina felt for a moment a bit unsure about how Nikolai would react to her.

He gapped at her, eyes shining with lust and love and wonder, and shook his head softly, “Saints…” he whispered, hands holding onto her waist as if it was a lifeboat saving him from certain death, “You’re so beautiful, Alina… So,” his lips were back on hers for a second, “Beautiful.” Nikolai finished, resting his forehead on hers, allowing the two of them a moment of rest before his shirt was gone as well, before her pyjama pants were pooling around her feet, before the rest of their clothes were discarded without a second thought.

Nikolai laid her down, holding her with such care, it was as if he was holding a doll made of blown sugar that could shatter any moment. He looked at her as if he was dying to eat all of her. She had never felt so attractive in her whole life.

She also felt a bit devious.

Nikolai’s lips were just a breath away from hers when she spoke, “I thought…” she licked her lips and felt immeasurable pleasure in the way he set his jaw, desperate to capture her tongue, “I thought you wouldn’t kiss me…”

“Until you were thinking of me instead of trying to forget him…” his hair tickled her as he hanged his head and chuckled, “Saints, Alina…” his eyes were back on hers as he continued, voice thick with emotion, “I love it when you quote me.”

With an eye roll, Alina brought him down, capturing his silly grin with her open mouth. A purr danced on her lips as Nikolai’s hands travelled up and down the length of her body, leaving trails of fire. Trails that never ended, just kept going and going and going. Alina nibbled on his lower lip when she felt a hand slip between her legs. And then he stroked her once, like a taunt string and Alina’s hold on his body tightened, her fingers digging into the panes of hardened muscle on his back. A moan danced between their lips, its owner unknown, when Nikolai stroked her again and again she dug her nails on his skin. Her body sizzled with passion and need. A need that simply wouldn’t die, only grow, grow, grow every time Nikolai stroked her with the precision of a hardened maestro. She wanted to sing. He made her body and soul want to sing.

And sing she did.

When Nikolai finally slid inside her, Alina was tuned to perfection. He moved and so did she, the two together in a dance of their own, a dance that their bodies seemed to know every move by heart. She called for him, his name coming in startled gasps and soft moans, and Nikolai answered with kisses and caresses and whispers of love and beauty and… oh, saints. Every word felt like a prayer, like a promise of love, as if she was a goddess on earth and he a simple mortal that just couldn’t believe the luck that had been bestowed on him. And like a mortal in awe, Nikolai did everything he could to make her wish to stay forever like that.

And then, their song, their dance, their perfect duet came to an end as Alina scattered into a million stars. In that moment, nothing could change just how happy she felt.

 

* * *

 

Nikolai’s chest was beautiful. Alina had always thought just as much, right from the beginning, even when he was as insufferable as they come. But it wasn’t just beautiful, it was a beautiful mystery… The softly tanned skin was traced with crooked faded lines, in a shade just a little lighter than his body. The scars were old and had healed well, but that was all she could tell, really. They were just lines, they couldn’t tell her their story, no matter how hard she tried to read it.

Alina traced a line at random with the tip of her finger and watched in delight as Nikolai trembled under her touch. His body vibrated softly when he hummed and threaded a hand through her hair, “Alina, sunshine… Don’t do that.” He said in sleepy tones.

She fought a smirk just as she traced yet another line. The smirk escaped when Nikolai purred. Her lips curved upwards, “Why? It’s just so… fun to watch you squirm like that.”

His fingers caressed her roots and electricity exploded from their tips, quickly spreading through her entire nervous system. A moan was out of her lips before she could even stop it. Nikolai flashed a smirk that could only be called wolfish, “Likewise.” He said.

Eyes turned to slits, “You’re insufferable.”

“And yet… Not enough to make you regret last night.” The joke was just a joke, but Alina could almost tell a faint sliver of fear and doubt.

She splayed her hand on his chest, covering most of the scars, “Considering last night was probably the best night of my life, I think nothing could make me regret it.” The words were honest and true. She could have easily joked a bit, played with him for a torturous moment, but she didn’t want to. Why would she? It _was_ the best night of her life, joking about it would only taint the memory. Flashes of their feverish bodies all tangled up filled her senses for a moment, and all Alina could do was to thank the fact that they were still naked under her sheets or else she’d have Nikolai teasing her endlessly for the sudden colour on her cheeks.

His eyes widened in surprise and his cheeks acquired a new shade of pink, “ _The_ best night?” he asked, a tone of wonder in his voice.

If someone had told Alina that one day she would have to convince Nikolai Lantsov that a night spent with him had been the best night in her life, she would have laughed to death in their faces. Yet… here she was, smiling widely like the fool in love that she was, about to reaffirm her words, “Obviously, you idiot.”

Nikolai’s mouth quickly changed from a surprised O to a blissful smirk. He was about to say something, but Alina quickly shut him down, “How did you get these?” she whispered, carefully touching them.

His eyes saddened and she knew she’d ruined the moment.

An apology was already on the tip of her tongue, “Nikolai, I—”

“It’s fine.” He shook his head and traced lines on her back, “It’s just… They’re childhood memories. Got them…” a pause, his eyes searching the room, as if his tale was hidden somewhere in the room, somewhere between a book or under a sheet of paper, “Back when my excuse of a father was still around.”

Oh no. Had he…?”

“No, no. Don’t worry,” he quickly added, already guessing her thoughts, “He didn’t do anything. But that’s the thing, he did nothing at all. He didn’t care, not before and certainly not after.” A shrug, “I was just a genius and inventive kid,” Alina rolled her eyes, of course he would say that, “but my father didn’t even notice me. So one day I thought I should do something grand. I don’t really remember what I was trying to do, I just know I tripped on the stairs and flew straight into a glass table.”

It was as if her heart had smashed into that table as well. Breaking apart, bleeding all over the place. Just the thought… Just the thought of a young Nikolai trying to impress his father only to get badly hurt… “I’m sorry…” she whispered, tears welling up in her eyes.

He brought a thumb to her cheek and whipped away a tear, “It’s fine, sunshine. I got hurt, yes. But at least I realised there was no way my father would ever care for me. Or for my mother. She was so mad. You see, I was home alone with him. And he didn’t notice a thing. Only when my mother arrived, shortly after I fell, did he leave his office. Needless to say, she filed for divorce as soon as I was out of the hospital. Never saw him again.”

“Oh Nikolai…” she wanted to say something, but what could she possibly say? What words could possibly ease the pain of such memories?

“Now,” his mood changed in a heartbeat, his eyes shining with a playful spark, “How about… breakfast?” his voice had gone huskier and his mouth was curved into a hungry smile that had nothing to do with food. Nothing whatsoever.

Of course Nikolai would try to steer the conversation into more interesting and much less depressing themes. Of course. Like a kid trying to weed his way out of a chore, Nikolai used his best smile and his best hand manoeuvres to get Alina to do just what he wanted. And right now, the only thing on the hazel eyed man’s wish list was Alina lying on her back. He wasted no time in unwrapping her out of her worries and words of comfort, his lips doing flawless job of shredding all those thoughts and ideas into millions of tiny pieces of paper scattered into the wind. Soon the only thing on Alina’s mind was how not to beg too loud for him. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction, not yet anyway.

With a tug, Alina brought her best friend slash lover back into her view, “You’re a sly man, Nikolai.” She breathed just before she brought him down, crashing their lips together, effectively shutting down any snarky remarks he might have on the ready. “But it seems that...” her hands ran through his hair, “It is just one of the many reasons…” a gasp climbed up her throat as he bit and tugged on her lower lip, “why I’m so hopelessly…” Saints, his tongue… “So… so hopelessly… So… in love with you.” She finally said, her mouth and tongue having worked together one last time for just one last string of coherent words. She lost it then, as Nikolai pressed his lips to hers and answered in kind and kept on kissing and touching her in ways that were simply… oh, she would find no words in any dictionary to describe them, no matter how hard she tried.

Words would never be enough to describe the way she felt, the way her body and heart and soul reacted so positively to Nikolai.

It was simply… impossible.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> fangirling/comments/feedback helps keeping the monsters of self-doubt away <3


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